J.

So, I never thought I would be in a position that I am in now. I have major feelings for a friend that won't go away. I met J. over the summer not too long after my awful breakup with Clint and we hit it off immediately. Our birthday's are 1 day apart (but he is 5 years older) and we are a lot alike. We initially tried dating, but early on he got freaked out about me having Taryn and all the responsibility that goes with it. He didn't think he was ready, and told me he wanted us to be friends. I thought that was an ass move on his part at first, and kinda blew him off. He really made an effort to be a good friend after that and we really got to know each other. In the beginning, I told myself that there were deal breakers with him- like the fact that he smokes. Now that I know his heart; nothing else matters. He is a wonderful person.

I would now consider J. one of my closest friends. The flirtation between us is crazy, and I don't know if I've ever met anyone I would consider myself more compatible with. Over winter before I left Houston, we hung out all the time. One night he told me that he loves me (as in, he cares for me) and he wants me to be in his life forever. He said that may be as friends, or it may be as more. Time would tell. He gave up his NYE to come help me pack for Austin, and we spent all night talking. I knew the decision to move to Austin was the best for me and Taryn, but I hadn't really considered how it would affect our friendship.

Now that I am settled here- I think about him all the time. Recently, I decided to tell him my feelings. All of them. He told me that he is emotionally unavailable right now, and doesn't think he is ready to take on the responsibility of dating someone with a child. His last relationship did not end well, and he told me it took forever to move past it. So, I don't think he is ever going to change his mind on this. He is a free spirit and likes to go wherever he pleases without anything to hold him back. I refuse to lose him as a friend, but it is emotionally traumatizing. Even though all of this has been difficult to accept with him, I really respect his honesty. What to do?